Personal TrainerChris Lemky
Perfectionists are hard to have around, although often they are necessary. Chris Lemky is no exception. Unwilling to compromise, impossible to bargain with and generally disagreeable. If you have ever had a feeling or emotion: stay at least 10 meters away from this man. Getting coached by Chris is an absolute last resort. Some examples of reasonable motivation to bring this nemesis into your life are:
- You’re getting divorced and have the body of a couch from the late 80’s
- You’re going to prison in 3 months
- You want to actualize as much of your athletic potential as possible and don’t care about the cost to your mental health
Outside of similar parameters, the surgeon general does not recommend consuming this product. Coaching from Chris is comparable to eating liver; you know it’s good for you, highly nutritious and makes you superior to those around you… but the irony blood taste and the horrible mouthfeel make it almost not worth it. He is quoted as saying:
“Anything that is against the Geneva Convention is a great coaching technique.”
A University background in Behavioural Science and Kinesiology, NCCP Competitive Development Weightlifting Coach certification and a 18+ year career in coaching facilitate a system that uses a balance of scientific and heuristic factors. A balance must be struck in all things and pursued with vigour, if victory is to be achieved. Some testimonials from his athletes:
“I hate your guts, but god damn do I respect you.”
-MG
“You just do this to upset me!”
-SK
“What do you know, you’re just a weightlifting coach.”
-EE
“They’re just feelings, they’ll heal.”
-RS
“I’m much stronger, but I’m so depressed.”
-MG
“I just F—k-ng HATE this!” **throws belt**
-CU
**Crying/sobbing in public**
-Unknown